| Location | Swanley, Kent |
| Age | 1 month, 9 days |
| Cause of Death | Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome |
| Date of Birth | 26/05/2006 |
| Date of Death | 05/07/2006 |
| Visitors | 17,928 since 08/01/2007 |
| Creator |
I can only apologise for not visiting all of your angels sites recently, but with Billy's
anniversary's and summer holidays, i haven't been able to come on here much, i am back now and will
hopefully be able to find my way around this new site to light candles again, thank you for all of
your support xxxxx
Billy Christopher Handley
26-05-06 -- 05-07-06
First child of Natasha Doyle
loved and missed forever and always x
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When i was pregnant with billy, i used to sing a song from mary poppins to my bump...its only now,
that he has gone, that i realise how important the words are, and how i didn't realise at the time
how much i would wish he really hadn't gone to sleep that final night...
Stay awake, don't rest your head
Don't lie down upon your bed
While the moon drifts in the skies
Stay awake, don't close your eyes
Though the world is fast asleep
Though your pillow's soft and deep
You're not sleepy as you seem
Stay awake, don't nod and dream
I miss my little man so much, and i apologise to everyone for not visiting your angels sites much
lately, i promise i will get stronger soon and will then be able to light daily candles again, i
just cant face it at the moment, and i'm so sorry xxxxx
Thank you to all the friends that have come into my life through GTS, i dont know what i would do
without you all, you all know who you are,
Lots of love to all of you, and all of your precious angels too,
Natasha xxxxx
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Billy was snatched away from me when he was 6 weeks old due to SIDs, he will be forever in my
thoughts and i miss him more than words could ever say.
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An angel with the book of life wrote down my baby's birth,
and whispered as she closed the book, "too beautiful for earth" xXx
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He was a truly beaultiful baby who meant the world to me and everyone thet knew him and met him. He
went through so much in his short little life, yet never complained, never grumbled, just lay in his
cot, smile and look about being nosey. He bought me so much happiness, and taught me a lot of very
important things, and I will hold his memories in my hearts until the day comes for us to meet again
one day in heaven. He most certainly did me very proud, my "little soldior" and I will never ever
forget him, he was and will always be my little man, who i will love and miss forever and always.
Billy was born with a condition called Gastroschisis which he had surgery to repair when he was 24
hours and then again at 62 hours old, and he got over this extremeley well, and became a healthy
beautiful little baby just like any other. he was due to come home from a 5 week stay in
hospital...the house was all ready for him to arrive the last night me and his daddy said goodnight
to him, when he went to sleep and decided he was too tired, and he became the most beautiful angel
to ever arrive in heaven, i just hope he is sitting on his cloud watching over all of us who loved
him more than anything in the world, and who miss him more and more each day, I love you Billy,
always and forever, mummy's little soldior, just you have lots of fun up there with all the other
little angels, and Mummy will see you again one day, until then, you will forever be in my thoughts
and my heart xxxXxxx
You ask me how I'm feeling,
but do you really want to know?
The moment I try telling you
You say you have to go
How can I tell you,
what it's been like for me
I am haunted, I am broken
By things that you don't see
You ask me how I'm holding up,
but do you really care?
The second I try to speak my heart,
You start squirming in your chair.
Because I am so lonely,
you see, no one comes around,
I'll take the words I want to say
And quietly choke them down.
Everyone avoids me now,
Because they don't know what to say
They tell me I'll be there for you,
then turn and walk away.
Call me if you need me,
that's what everybody said,
But how can I call you and scream
into the phone,
My God, my child is dead?
No one will let me
say the words I need to say
Why does a mothers grief
scare everyone away?
I am tired of pretending
as my heart pounds in my chest,
I say things to make you comfortable,
but my soul finds no rest.
How can I tell you things
that are too sad to be told,
of the helplessness of holding a child
who in your arms grows cold?
Maybe you can tell me,
How should one behave,
who's had to follow their child’s casket,
watched it perched above a grave?
You cannot imagine
what it was like for me that day
to place a final kiss upon that box,
and have to turn and walk away.
If you really love me,
and I believe you do,
if you really want to help me,
here is what I need from you.
Sit down beside me,
reach out and take my hand,
Say "My friend, I've come to listen,
I want to understand."
Just hold my hand and listen
that's all you need to do,
And if by chance I shed a tear,
it's alright if you do to.
I swear that I'll remember
till the day I'm very old,
the friend who sat and held my hand
and let me bare my soul
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You will always be my little boy
Till my very dying day,
The Love and Pride I feel for you
Will never go away.
I miss holding you in my arms
Or you lying on my chest,
Stroking your tiny angel face
Just watching while you rest.
Each day we spent together
You gave me so much joy,
No one could ever make me smile
Like my precious baby boy.
Then that night you went to sleep
And never woke again,
Now all I'm left is emptiness,
Loneliness and pain.
Each morning I wake up
I can't believe that you're not there,
I miss my little man so much
The pain's too hard to bear.
I'll always Love You Billy
Till the day I die,
But just remember that you'll always be
'Mummy's Little Guy'.
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I am drawn, quietly to his grave to check on him,
Just as I'd have been drawn quietly to his crib.
I trim the grass around his marker,
And dream of trimming bangs from his forehead.
I place flowers in his vase,
And dream of placing kisses on his cheek.
I hold his memory dear to my heart,
And dream of of holding him in my arms.
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Below is a poem that was read at Billy's funeral:-
If I knew it would be the last time
that I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time
that I’d walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and then run back for one more.
If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would know I do.
If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.
For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
And we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.
There will always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do?"
But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.
So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,
That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
And you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.
So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear
Take time to say "I'm sorry," "Thank you,"
"Please forgive me," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
To My Gorgeous Little Billy...
On the day God took you
I thought that I would die
I wondered where the time went?
I asked alot of whys??
With people all around me
I felt alone inside
From all their words of comfort,
I couldn't seem to hide,
I thought I might be dreaming
That I'd wake and find you here,
I thought "This can't be happening."
As I wiped another tear.
On the day that you were laid to rest
My heart broke yet again,
I wondered if the pain would end,
But mostly, I wondered when??
It's hard to be without you,
At times the days seem long,
Sometimes I just sit crying,
When there's really nothing wrong.
I wish we'd had more time,
Before your life was done.
I hope your resting peacefully,
My precious Baby Son xx
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I would just like to thank everyone that takes the time to write messages and light candles for
Billy, This web page is such a big comfort for me and it means the world to me that people take the
time to write such lovely things, Thank You again, x
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Hi Natasha
i know how you feel sweetheart , i feel the same and its been nearly 6 years since i lost my beautiful boy Jamie , i am sure that Jamie has found Billy and they are both being cheeky cherubs with all the other little angels taken too soon, Billy looks really cheeky with his shades on , what a sweetie , i can just imagane Billy, Jamie & all thier angel friends laid back on a cloud , chillin with thier shades on , as they direct those sunshine rays of love down to all their loved ones that are missing them XXXX
i am here if you ever need to chat , i sometimes need that too xxx
take care
Natasha xxxx
you are welcome to look jamies other site if you wish www.freewebs.com/born-too-soon. altthough its still a work in progress xxxxx
angel castles in the sky x
Way up in heavens garden
There's a magical castle in the sky
Where god places our little angels,
And teaches them to fly
The girls become sweet princesses,
And dance the day away
The boys are charming prince's
In this wondrous land of play
The castle is made of lollipops
And of all things that are sweet
There's a river made of angels tears,
For them to dip their tiny feet,
The angel tears are not tears of sadness.
They are tears of joy
To see such sights is happiness
For the chosen Angel girl or boy
For as you know, not all angels
Are picked to grace this castle in the sky
Only the tiny cherub prince's and princesses,
And here's the reason why
God has a place for all he takes
And puts them where they he deems
The little cherubs need a world of play
A land filled full of dreams
A place where they can play all day
And slide down rainbows so bright
swing from the stars if they desire
Then light the star lamps up at night
Its now they huddle close together
And some may take a snooze
Only if they wish to
Its up to them to choose
The ones that are not asleep
Are sending down their love
To you, direct from moon beams
They guide from up above
So be happy for your special cherub
From the soft clouds they will never fall
For anything good that they may wish for
Comes true here, anything at all
Its in the castle they will stay
with angels of their kind
until its their turn to open the castle gate
and its their mummy that they find
The only thing that they must do then
whilst waving goodbye to angel friends
Is walk to paradise with mummy
Just beyond the rainbows end.
by Natasha Wright
thinking of you little prince , love to your mummy x
RIP Little Billy
Hi Natasha, Thankyou for the lovely poem. I have a lovely poem i will post on Billys site sometime in the near future.
I hope you and your husband are getting through your loss of billy and wish you both the best of happiness today,tommorow and with all you have planned for your futures.
Thanks again Natasha
to mummy from heaven xxx
To someone I’m forgotten
To others just the past,
But to you who loved and lost me,
My memory will always last.
I’ll always be there with you,
So watch the sky at night
Find the brightest star gleaming
That’s my halo shining bright!
You’ll see me in the morning frost
That mists your window pane
That’s me in the summer showers
I’ll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a gentle breeze,
from a gentle wind that blows
That’s me! I’ll be there,
Kissing you on the nose.
When you see a child playing,
And your heart feels a little tug
That’s me too! I’ll be giving
Your heart a hug.
So Daddy please don’t look so sad,
Mummy don’t you cry,
I’m in the arms of loved ones now
And they’re singing me lullabies.
hello baby boy
Hiya Billy,
mummy and Daddy went to a memorial service for you today, daddy was singing so loud i hope he was making you laugh whilst you were watching us, sorry mummy cried as usual, its just that i miss you so so much. It was nice for mummy to talk to lots of other mummys that were there, who have lost their angels too, i hope you have found them all up there. I hope you liked the candle that we lit for you and the poems that were read out.
Your garden is looking lovely at the moment, you have more flowers than anyone in the cemetery at the moment! It looks lovely and bright and happy, just how you made us feel.
Daddy and I love you so much Billy, and we both miss you every single day.
Have fun angel, and mummy will come see you again as soon as she can.
Love you all the world...and more,
Always and forever,
Mummy xxXxx
Hello Little Man
Hiya Baby
Sorry mummy didn't write to you last night like i said i would, but i popped out after work and then was so tired i fell asleep, though i guess you already know that! Its been 8 long months now since you became an angel and believe it or not, its worse now than it was the day you left us. We all miss you so much darling. Mummy and Daddy have been asked to be your cousin Tyler's godparents, which is lovely, but in the back of our minds, we both know it will be a sad day for us as it should be you getting christened, your special day, but we will try our best to be as happy as we can. I hope that you like the new flowers that we put at your grave on Sunday. We will be back to see you this weekend, not long now until the cemetery starts opening later, and then mummy and daddy will be able to get there after work, not just at the weekends.Have lots of fun up there baby love and miss you with all my heart, forever and always, Mummy xxXxx
thinking of you xxx
To Mummy From Heaven
Mummy, don't cry, 'cause God is holding my hand
and telling me everything is OK.
Mummy, God said that I will never want for anything
and I will still feel your love all the way up here.
Mummy, you should see me,
I am running and playing with God's other children.
Mummy, guess who helps watch over us while we play?
They are God's Helping Angels!
Mummy, I'm not afraid, my great grandpa and grandma are here.
They came to me when it was dark and held my hands;
then we went to God's bright light,
where Angels were singing.
Mummy, God said, If you feel sad, to remember this;
I'll be the gentle breeze that brushes your face,
the sun is my smile and the rain is me washing away your pain.
Mummy, I have to go now.
I send you all my love on the wings of an Angel.
xxx
I miss you so much baby boy
Hi Munchkin,
Mummy needs you to help her today, i'm missing you so much i just don't know what to do with myself, if i could close my eyes here and never wake up in this cruel world, i would without a doubt, if it meant i could be with you again forever. I wish i could see you, hold you, give you great big cuddles, i don't know what we did that was so wrong we had to lose you from our lives forever. Daddy and mummy both miss you so much that it has caused us to argue lots and lots, but just because we will be coming to visit your garden seperately from now on, don't think that either of us loves you any less, I love you so much Billy, so much that i don't really see a point in getting up everyday anymore...please send mummy a sign to let me know that you are ok up there, and that you are being looked after and being shown as much love up there as you was down here.
Goodnight Angel, Mummy will be at your grave tomorrow with some new flowers for you. Miss you and love you with all of my heart and more, forever and always, Mummy xxxXxxx
What a Grieving Mother Really Thinks
Hello, Old Friend,
Oh, yes, you know
I lost my child a while ago.
No, no please
Don’t look away
And change the subject
It’s ok.
You see, at first I couldn’t feel,
It took so long, but now it’s real.
I hurt so much inside you see
I need to talk,
Come sit with me?
You see, I was numb for so very long,
And people said, “My, she is so strong.”
They did not know I couldn’t feel,
My broken heart made all unreal.
But then one day, as I awoke
I clutched my chest, began to choke,
Such a scream, such a wail,
Broke from me…
My child! My child!
The horror of reality.
But everyone has moved on, you see,
everyone except for me.
Now, when I need friends most of all,
Between us there now stands a wall.
My pain is more than they can bear,
When I mention my child,
I see their blank stare.
“But I thought you were over it,”
Their eyes seem to say,
No, no, I can’t listen to this, not today.
So I smile and pretend, and say, “Oh, I’m ok”.
But inside I am crying, as I turn away.
And so my old friend, I shall paint on a smile,
As I have from the start,
You never knowing all the while,
All I’ve just said to you in my heart.
Kelly Cummings
Missing you Darling
Hi Billy, it's mummy's birthday today...as nice as my weekend away with daddy was, i still woke up this morning with only one birthday wish...to have my baby boy back. needless to say my wish didn't come true, but daddy and i came to visit you at your grave, everything is still looking beautiful, Grandma and Grandad Handley bought you a lovely teddy bear, and your little cousin Tyler had been to visit you and bought you a little present too, your so loved angel, and missed so so much. not a day goes by when mummy and daddy don't talk about you, and wish you were back here with us. Both of your Great Grandma's are poorly at the moment, so maybe you can keep an eye on them from way up there and make sure that they are going to be ok and get better, have fun darling, Love you all the world, Mummy xxXxxXxxXxxXxx
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