Billy Christopher Handley

I can only apologise for not visiting all of your angels sites recently, but with Billy's anniversary's and summer holidays, i haven't been able to come on here much, i am back now and will hopefully be able to find my way around this new site to light candles again, thank you for all of your support xxxxx


Billy Christopher Handley
26-05-06 -- 05-07-06
First child of Natasha Doyle
loved and missed forever and always x
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When i was pregnant with billy, i used to sing a song from mary poppins to my bump...its only now, that he has gone, that i realise how important the words are, and how i didn't realise at the time how much i would wish he really hadn't gone to sleep that final night...

Stay awake, don't rest your head
Don't lie down upon your bed
While the moon drifts in the skies
Stay awake, don't close your eyes

Though the world is fast asleep
Though your pillow's soft and deep
You're not sleepy as you seem
Stay awake, don't nod and dream

I miss my little man so much, and i apologise to everyone for not visiting your angels sites much lately, i promise i will get stronger soon and will then be able to light daily candles again, i just cant face it at the moment, and i'm so sorry xxxxx

Thank you to all the friends that have come into my life through GTS, i dont know what i would do without you all, you all know who you are,

Lots of love to all of you, and all of your precious angels too,
Natasha xxxxx

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Billy was snatched away from me when he was 6 weeks old due to SIDs, he will be forever in my thoughts and i miss him more than words could ever say.

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An angel with the book of life wrote down my baby's birth,
and whispered as she closed the book, "too beautiful for earth" xXx
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He was a truly beaultiful baby who meant the world to me and everyone thet knew him and met him. He went through so much in his short little life, yet never complained, never grumbled, just lay in his cot, smile and look about being nosey. He bought me so much happiness, and taught me a lot of very important things, and I will hold his memories in my hearts until the day comes for us to meet again one day in heaven. He most certainly did me very proud, my "little soldior" and I will never ever forget him, he was and will always be my little man, who i will love and miss forever and always.

Billy was born with a condition called Gastroschisis which he had surgery to repair when he was 24 hours and then again at 62 hours old, and he got over this extremeley well, and became a healthy beautiful little baby just like any other. he was due to come home from a 5 week stay in hospital...the house was all ready for him to arrive the last night me and his daddy said goodnight to him, when he went to sleep and decided he was too tired, and he became the most beautiful angel to ever arrive in heaven, i just hope he is sitting on his cloud watching over all of us who loved him more than anything in the world, and who miss him more and more each day, I love you Billy, always and forever, mummy's little soldior, just you have lots of fun up there with all the other little angels, and Mummy will see you again one day, until then, you will forever be in my thoughts and my heart xxxXxxx

You ask me how I'm feeling,
but do you really want to know?
The moment I try telling you
You say you have to go

How can I tell you,
what it's been like for me
I am haunted, I am broken
By things that you don't see

You ask me how I'm holding up,
but do you really care?
The second I try to speak my heart,
You start squirming in your chair.

Because I am so lonely,
you see, no one comes around,
I'll take the words I want to say
And quietly choke them down.

Everyone avoids me now,
Because they don't know what to say
They tell me I'll be there for you,
then turn and walk away.

Call me if you need me,
that's what everybody said,
But how can I call you and scream
into the phone,
My God, my child is dead?

No one will let me
say the words I need to say
Why does a mothers grief
scare everyone away?

I am tired of pretending
as my heart pounds in my chest,
I say things to make you comfortable,
but my soul finds no rest.

How can I tell you things
that are too sad to be told,
of the helplessness of holding a child
who in your arms grows cold?

Maybe you can tell me,
How should one behave,
who's had to follow their child’s casket,
watched it perched above a grave?

You cannot imagine
what it was like for me that day
to place a final kiss upon that box,
and have to turn and walk away.

If you really love me,
and I believe you do,
if you really want to help me,
here is what I need from you.

Sit down beside me,
reach out and take my hand,
Say "My friend, I've come to listen,
I want to understand."

Just hold my hand and listen
that's all you need to do,
And if by chance I shed a tear,
it's alright if you do to.

I swear that I'll remember
till the day I'm very old,
the friend who sat and held my hand
and let me bare my soul

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You will always be my little boy
Till my very dying day,
The Love and Pride I feel for you
Will never go away.

I miss holding you in my arms
Or you lying on my chest,
Stroking your tiny angel face
Just watching while you rest.

Each day we spent together
You gave me so much joy,
No one could ever make me smile
Like my precious baby boy.

Then that night you went to sleep
And never woke again,
Now all I'm left is emptiness,
Loneliness and pain.

Each morning I wake up
I can't believe that you're not there,
I miss my little man so much
The pain's too hard to bear.

I'll always Love You Billy
Till the day I die,
But just remember that you'll always be
'Mummy's Little Guy'.
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I am drawn, quietly to his grave to check on him,
Just as I'd have been drawn quietly to his crib.
I trim the grass around his marker,
And dream of trimming bangs from his forehead.
I place flowers in his vase,
And dream of placing kisses on his cheek.
I hold his memory dear to my heart,
And dream of of holding him in my arms.

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Below is a poem that was read at Billy's funeral:-

If I knew it would be the last time
that I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I’d walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and then run back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would know I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
And we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
And you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear

Take time to say "I'm sorry," "Thank you,"
"Please forgive me," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today

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To My Gorgeous Little Billy...

On the day God took you
I thought that I would die
I wondered where the time went?
I asked alot of whys??
With people all around me
I felt alone inside
From all their words of comfort,
I couldn't seem to hide,
I thought I might be dreaming
That I'd wake and find you here,
I thought "This can't be happening."
As I wiped another tear.
On the day that you were laid to rest
My heart broke yet again,
I wondered if the pain would end,
But mostly, I wondered when??
It's hard to be without you,
At times the days seem long,
Sometimes I just sit crying,
When there's really nothing wrong.
I wish we'd had more time,
Before your life was done.
I hope your resting peacefully,
My precious Baby Son xx

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I would just like to thank everyone that takes the time to write messages and light candles for Billy, This web page is such a big comfort for me and it means the world to me that people take the time to write such lovely things, Thank You again, x

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